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Do you know what really grinds my gears? No, tell us, we really want to know!

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Old 05-03-2012, 01:29 PM   #1
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Angry Give someone an inch and they take a mile

Maybe I'm not on the same page as everyone else but I have been brought up that if someone does right by me, I make damn sure to do right by them.

Exhibit A: At work I'm the head of a department and I've always approached it that, if you let people get away with a little, they're willing to go the extra mile when you need them to. Most of my team, this works well with. But there's always 1. I agree to let a lad work from home for 1 day a week because he's got a bugger of a commute. He's taken that to mean he can work from home whenever he feels like and just send me an email that morning to tell me so (if I'm lucky).

Same guy was having some very minor surgery. I agreed to let him work from home for 2 weeks. He took that to mean he can work from home for 4 weeks.

I'm looking forward to his performance review coming up.

Exhibit B: A relative of mine is a bit of a waster. He prefers going out and getting blitzed and making do with a bar job instead of the normal 9-5 nuisance that the rest of us have to endure.

Fair enough, his life. Because he's blood, and the rest of the family have nothing to do with him, I look out for him. Recently I've gone above and beyond to the point where I'm actually out of pocket by quite a lot. The deal was he'd pay me back just a fraction of what I've given him.

Funnily enough, every time I speak to him he mentions he knows he owes me money and gives me the sob story about minimum wage and struggling to make ends meet. But he's out every night of the week on the lash.

Now, I'm sorry, but if someones been that f**king generous, does it not cross your mind to make sure you pay them back, or at least making an effort to pay them back, before spending your coppers on cheap cider and taxis????

Rant over I'm properly fed up with people taking the p*ss now.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:32 PM   #2
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Exhibit A: Disciplinary action will solve.

Exhibit B: Hang him out to dry.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:35 PM   #3
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Everybody lies.
Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people...
etc.
I have a small family, and a small group of friends that are tight, I like it that way and broken trust is a terrible thing.
All I can say is stop being Mr nice-guy and tell people how much theu have offended you and abused your trust, that way 1 of 2 things will happen, but you WILL know where you stand.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:36 PM   #4
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Exhibit A: Disciplinary action will solve.

Exhibit B: Hang him out to dry.
I know and agree. But my point is, what's wrong with people that they think, oh this guys done right by me, I'm gonna totally take the p*ss now and screw him over?

People are dicks.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:41 PM   #5
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You gotta put boundaries in place and let them know where those boundaries are. Then they are less likely to cross them. If they do then they wont be surprised about the consequences.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:45 PM   #6
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You gotta put boundaries in place and let them know where those boundaries are. Then they are less likely to cross them. If they do then they wont be surprised about the consequences.
Yeah, I've had to do that now with exhibit A. He's fully aware of the consequences should he continue like he has been.

Exhibit B is a little more difficult. It's the last favour I'll be doing for him but he's family at the end of the day and he doesn't have anyone else. Still, if he doesn't appreciate what I've done for him, he can do without.
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:49 PM   #7
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Exhibit A - work disciplinary as said - I'm assuming hes had at least a verbal warning to date?

Exhibit B - he seems like the type to take the pi$$ - if no one else in the family wants anything to do with him there is probably a reason for that and if hes living that type of lifestyle I wouldn't have lent him money if the first place
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Old 05-03-2012, 01:57 PM   #8
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Exhibit A - work disciplinary as said - I'm assuming hes had at least a verbal warning to date?
No, this is all very recent. I've laid down the rules for him this morning so we'll see what happens.

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Exhibit B - he seems like the type to take the pi$$ - if no one else in the family wants anything to do with him there is probably a reason for that and if hes living that type of lifestyle I wouldn't have lent him money if the first place
Our family history is f**king bizarre mate. There's all sorts of reasons the family don't have anything to do with him, none of which I particularly blame him for. Problem is, that all happened a long time ago, and he's just become more and more of a waster over the years. I'm just realising how much of one. Still, always been a good mate, just a messed up set of values.
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Old 05-03-2012, 02:57 PM   #9
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and he's just become more and more of a waster over the years. I'm just realising how much of one. Still, always been a good mate, just a messed up set of values.
I've moved my self away from a couple of long term mates like this - were good goin out on the booze mates but when it came down to it they would let you\others down - always the first and last to leave the pub but that was about it really when it came down to it, is a shame but people dig there own holes sometimes and I'm no gonna be the one to get em out !!
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Old 05-03-2012, 03:40 PM   #10
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Pretty much the same as you mate, always keen to go the extra mile to help people out but somehow it always comes back and bites me. Think it is time to be selfish for once.
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Old 05-03-2012, 03:58 PM   #11
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Pretty much the same as you mate, always keen to go the extra mile to help people out but somehow it always comes back and bites me. Think it is time to be selfish for once.
That's what I don't want to do though mate. Just because other people are dicks I don't want that to make me into a miserable selfish dick too.

Suppose you've just got to pick very carefully who you bother to make an effort for.
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Old 05-03-2012, 03:59 PM   #12
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I've moved my self away from a couple of long term mates like this - were good goin out on the booze mates but when it came down to it they would let you\others down - always the first and last to leave the pub but that was about it really when it came down to it, is a shame but people dig there own holes sometimes and I'm no gonna be the one to get em out !!
I know exactly what you mean, I've left a lot of mates out of my life in the past for this reason but it's a little different when it's family. Or maybe I just think it is. Dunno.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:59 PM   #13
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How old is exhibit B? There is nothing wrong with working a bar job for a source of income, we all like going to the pub now an then so we would all be a bit annoyed if everyone in the industry decided to up sticks and retrain. However, sounds like your family member needs to grow up a bit. If that's where he wants to work, he should start treating it like a career and try and get into management rather than bumming around. Sounds like a youngster to me, wanting to have a good time but not disciplined enought to get his priorities in order.

Have you spoken to him? Try printing out your OP and show him what you think?

Either way, best of luck, I know it's horrible when people take the piss when all you have done is be kind!
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Old 05-03-2012, 05:27 PM   #14
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How old is exhibit B? There is nothing wrong with working a bar job for a source of income, we all like going to the pub now an then so we would all be a bit annoyed if everyone in the industry decided to up sticks and retrain. However, sounds like your family member needs to grow up a bit. If that's where he wants to work, he should start treating it like a career and try and get into management rather than bumming around. Sounds like a youngster to me, wanting to have a good time but not disciplined enought to get his priorities in order.

Have you spoken to him? Try printing out your OP and show him what you think?

Either way, best of luck, I know it's horrible when people take the piss when all you have done is be kind!
You'd be forgiven for thinking he was a young un living wild while he can still enjoy it. But he's 30.

His lifestyle is his choice, nothing to do with me. Bar jobs fine if that's what he wants, it just annoys me that I've gone out of my way to help him out and he'd sooner go out on the lash that even attempt to pay me back.

We've had loads of talks over the years, arguments too. He's got a chip on his shoulder about a lot of things, not limited to the fact that I've got more than he has. He seems to think it's his god given right and that it will just come to him if he bums around long enough, he doesn't see that I've worked bloody hard for what I've got and sacrificed a lot.

I'm sure part of it is that he thinks I can afford it so if he leaves it long enough it won't matter. For starters that's not true, I went out of my way to help him out and secondly that's not the point, if someone helps you out you return the favour. End of story.

Thinki I'll just have to cut him loose. There's only so much you can do for someone before they have to start helping themselves.
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:24 PM   #15
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It's a fact, you can choose your friends but ya stuck with family.

Bite the bullet and ditch the family takin the pi$$,

Keep mentioning reviews to the work shy guy/s and odd mention of dole Q's, that'll put the fear of god in em.
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