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Old 23-08-2005, 05:06 PM   #1
 
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2nd attempt - Becks Jokes

>Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six
>o'clock news.
>The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension
>Bridge on to the busy road below.
>Posh turns to Becks and says:
>"David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!"
>To which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."
>So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching.
>Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.
>Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and
hands it to
>Posh.
>But she refuses.
>"I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was
>cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
>"No, babe, fair's fair" says David.
>"That money is yours fair and square I was cheating just as you were. I

>saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would do it
>again."
>
>

>The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just
>before the game, when Zidane walks in.
>"Boss," he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a
>cortisone injection."
>"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."
>
>

>David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
>Kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he
asks.
>"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.
>"What does it do?" asks Becks.
>The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
>Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
>training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
>"It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they

>ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David.
>"And what have you got in it?" ask the lads.
>"Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.
>
>

>Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The
>mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world,
>decides to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents
>out," he says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the
metal will pop back into place".
>So she takes the car home and tries it.
>David spots her from the house and shouts "You silly cow! You have to
>wind the windows up first!"
>
>
>David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
>Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this
>jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh.
>"You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
>
>
>David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went
>riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up
>and down out of control.
>He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
>With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell headfirst to the ground.
>His head continued to bump on the ground as
the horse refused
>to stop or even slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy
>ending.
>Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the
>Woolworth's' manager came along and unplugged it.
>
>
>Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one
>evening when a cow ran in front of the car.
>The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't the cow was killed.
>Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
>owners what happened.
>About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his
>clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a
>cigar in the other and smiling happily.
>"What happened?" asked Posh.
>"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave

>me the cigar, and their beautiful
daughter made mad
>passionate love to me.">
>"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
>The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed
>the cow."
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Old 23-08-2005, 05:18 PM   #2
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Posh and Becks are in a taxi coming back from the airport having been on holiday to New York for a few days. Becks is busily telling the taxi driver about the most fantastic restaurant that they went to and how great the food was.

"What's it called?" says the cabbie

"Erm...........er.............Erm........it's...... .....er....... I can't remember - it's er, you know - er - name some railway stations to jog my memory" says David

"Waterloo?"

"No"

"St. Pancras?"

"No"

"Paddington?"

"No"

"Victoria?"

"Yeah, that's it - that's the one (turns to Posh) Victoria - what was the name of that restaurant?"
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Old 23-08-2005, 05:34 PM   #3
 
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ha haha ahahahaaaaaaaaaa, tis very jolly peeps
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