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Old 18-12-2005, 11:00 PM   #1
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Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being born like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:02 PM   #2
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飲んだら乗るな、乗るなら飲むな。
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:21 PM   #3
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Even in a leotard - Chuck Norris is Mighty!
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:23 PM   #4
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weirdo lol
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:38 PM   #5
 
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Soemone should corner the Chuck Norris quote T-Shirt market, before it becomes cliche.
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:39 PM   #6
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I have heard he is actually immortal, he never suffers from colds is bullet proof, will never die and will have the same appearance for eternity.
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:44 PM   #7
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ees is mi m8 , we was in de junngle 2 gever , huntin predators , oh no dat was arnie
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Old 18-12-2005, 11:45 PM   #8
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he sounds like he's the stigs brother if he doesnt suffer from colds
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Old 19-12-2005, 12:50 AM   #9
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i onse ad a drink wiv im. ee ad 100 pints and still beet me at darts.

Editt: an ee only went ta the bogs onse at 11;15 wen taxi arrivd
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Old 19-12-2005, 01:13 AM   #10
 
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And the point is ?
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Old 19-12-2005, 01:34 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stealth69
And the point is ?
The point is, that there is no point. It's simply meant to amuse.

Much like the epithets employed by Homer in The Iliad and more commonly in The Odyssey - they are simply epithets for an archetypal, but highly cheesey "macho" man.

Simply expanding upon the stereotype in a classical vein.
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Old 19-12-2005, 01:44 AM   #12
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dewie
i onse ad a drink wiv im. ee ad 100 pints and still beet me at darts.
I've seen your darts Dewie, He could ave beat ya blindfolded n throwing from anover room.
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Old 19-12-2005, 02:47 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bomb Dr
I've seen your darts Dewie, He could ave beat ya blindfolded n throwing from anover room.
Touche sir, touche!

Or should I say - feck off yer cheeky git
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Old 19-12-2005, 11:29 AM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dewie
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
This will be my sig for a long time to come.....
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Old 19-12-2005, 04:21 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaemonGTS
This will be my sig for a long time to come.....
See - he gets it!!!
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