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Old 26-05-2004, 05:12 PM   #1
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joke for today -

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy
dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and
his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, Please
find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your
bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised
his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says:
"Dear Sir, Sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and, with your bald
head you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising
his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a
REALLY rude leter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads:

"Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the tin of golden syrup
over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a
toffee apple."
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:13 PM   #2
 
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Pmsl!!!
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:20 PM   #3
 
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this is my best offering for today

undefinedundefinedThe following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
you are qualified to be a "professional."

Please slowly scroll down for each answer.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an
overly complicated way.
>
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer) Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take
out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous
actions.
>
3. The King of the Forest is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
>

>
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal
conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
>
Note: According to Anderson Consulting World-wide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers
got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively
disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.


:boobies:
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:20 PM   #4
 
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this is my best offering for today

undefinedundefinedThe following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
you are qualified to be a "professional."

Please slowly scroll down for each answer.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an
overly complicated way.
>
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer) Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take
out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous
actions.
>
3. The King of the Forest is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
>

>
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal
conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
>
Note: According to Anderson Consulting World-wide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers
got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively
disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

:boobies:
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:24 PM   #5
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That's a test innit.....see if we can work out how to read the small dark blue text on a black background - twice
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:26 PM   #6
 
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sos.. tried to be clever with the font... didnt work.. tried to change it.. didnt work..bummer.. hang on i will try again ...
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:29 PM   #7
 
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3rd time lucky.. no guessing how well I did on this!!

undefinedundefinedundefinedThe following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."

>Please slowly scroll down for each answer.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?



Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer) Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The King of the Forest is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?



Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?


Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Note: According to Anderson Consulting World-wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:46 PM   #8
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Tickle Me Elmo!





There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 08.00. That day at 08.45 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel

Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.





When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.



After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday". "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:49 PM   #9
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Very good Tiggs... i like that one
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:50 PM   #10
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Easy enough to overcome, just have to highlight the blue text and it turns white .....job done
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pooh
sos.. tried to be clever with the font... didnt work.. tried to change it.. didnt work..bummer.. hang on i will try again ...
Like that one Tiggs
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:51 PM   #11
 
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So does that mean if i got some of them correct i have brain of a 4 year old......excellent getting smarter by the day
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Old 26-05-2004, 05:52 PM   #12
 
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doh... will know next time!
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Old 26-05-2004, 06:00 PM   #13
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Quality

The sight of a thread started by Tigger and responded to by Pooh made me chuckle as well
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Old 26-05-2004, 08:27 PM   #14
 
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Just noticed that link myself Mr Nick.. Beat me to it..
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