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Registered turbo abuser !
221 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
as i work in a garage this made me laugh :dogpile: sorry if it has been posted before.

After every flight, Qantas pilotsfill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems ,document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

here are some actual maintenance complains submitted by Qantas pilots ( marked with a P ) and the solutions recorded by the mechanics ( marked with an S ).

by the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
Enjoy !

P:Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:Almost replaced left inside tire.

P:Test flight ok, except auto-land very rough.
S:Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:Something loose in cockpit.
S:Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S:Live bugs on back-order.

P:Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S:Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P:Friction blocks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:That's what they're for.

P:IFF inoperative.
S:IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:Suspected crack in windshield.
S:Suspect you're right.

P:Number 3 engine missing.
S:Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P:Aircraft handles funny.
S:Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P:Target radar hums.
S:Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:Mouse in cockpit.
S:Cat installed.

And the best one for last...................

P:Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from midget.


6,537 Posts
An oldie but a goody. :)

On some of my paperwork we have 'code', for example...

Accoustic tapping carried out on main wing basically means it's had some big clod like me kick the **** out of it.


Organic interface rebriefed means the pilots had a bollocking. :D

23,136 Posts
I've heard this before, but with fighter jets. I think someones just shoved Qantas at the top. I'm no expert at this, but would Qantas need a 'Target Radar'?? Funny as hell though. :rofl:
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