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635 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely……

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

635 Posts
Discussion Starter #2
Three guys, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub.

They all suffer from a severe stutter. "What"s it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady.

"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi................." says the Englishman.

Up steps the Irishman..

"Threeee p pints of of of of gui gui gui gui....."

Then the Scotsman tries..

"Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th........"

"Oh bugger this!" says the beautiful landlady, and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are now ready to order.

"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi......" stutters the Englishman "Three pints of gui gui gui gui...." tries Paddy.

And then Scotty starts.. "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th ......"

"Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a chat. "If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering, I"ll let you shag me".

Quite confident that nobody will win, she turns to the Englishman. "Where do you live?" "M M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch, Manch..." "No, you lose" says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?" trying not to laugh.

"E E E E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb....." "Sorry, you lose" says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.

"London" blurts out the Irishman. "Oh bugger!" says the landlady.

A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra - exposing a fantastic pair of jugs. Finally she slides off her panties and then climbs into bed. Paddy, with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory and then, right at the climaxing stoke, he suddenly screams out....

"............... D D D D D D D Derry!"
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