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> DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
> tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
> another song you like and hum that instead.
>
> DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
> identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
> with your old bank statements.
>
> HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by
> simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to
> bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
>
> SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply
> changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,
>
> DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to
> the object you wish to view.
>
> AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
> inexpensive vibrator.
>
> SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walk
> around wearing a miner's hat.
>
> HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for
> the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
> other in your coat pocket.
>
> OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply
> cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
>
> SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following
> morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble
> full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
>
> SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they
> will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
>
> OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside
> for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will
> really feel the benefit.
>
> WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen
> chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
>
> MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry
> on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
>
> SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
> before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
 

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> AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
> inexpensive vibrator.

> SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they
> will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

:rofl:
 
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