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Seasoned Member
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755 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Ok, so I work in central london on a maintenance contract. I look after building ventilation, BMS (building managment system) on a pc, plumbing and part of the electrics as well. If anything goes wrong or needs fixing I get called.

Just had this come through.

"Hi Tom, just had a call that the tap in the kitchen on the 5th floor wont turn off"

So i go up, take a look, and they simply didnt turn the tap off. Seriously? lol


People here must be earning high 5 figure salerys, yet they are unable to turn a tap off. Makes me laugh lol


Other silly stuff like the lights won't work.

Me - "Did you try pressing the light switch?"

Staff - "Hmm......"

Take that as a no then. lol
 

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Seasoned Member
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755 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
LMFAO, mate i design some of the buildings and the BMS that goes into them, :) you must have such a quality job if thats what u get, do u record the calls, please do
It's not a bad job. I spend most of my day sitting down waiting for stuff to go wrong. Still got checks that need to be done but other than that, it's sitting down keeping busy online. lol

Not able to record calls, think I would loose my job if I did lol

If you design building and BMS stuff, expect a pm soon. Got a question for you so I can BMS my house ;)

we use BMS at out place, got a big ass chiller plant :)
We are having a major refurb atm, so will have 3 massive chillers (building only really needs 1 but we got a standby and then a spare i guess), 2x 350kva UPSs, must have around 200 fan coil units over all 7 floors, 1 meg back up genny incase of power outage, list goes on.
 

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Lol I get things like this all day long as I work in property maintenance for letting companies and they have loads of students.

1. A women said she can't open the window as it's stuck.

So I go there the girl is like 4ft tall and I'm nearly 6' so as soon as I walk in the lounge I see the window catch is on as its a sash and case, so I take catch off and open the window.....lol.

2. My shower doesn't turn on.

Q. Have you actually turned it on at the main switch?
A. We don't have a main switch we have never turned if off before.

So I go round walk into the hall, see the big red switch on the skirting, switch it on and then the shower amazingly worked.....lol. The tenant then says oh is that what that's for....pffft.

Best one was a Electrical Engineer student in his last year at Edinburgh Uni, I can't get a picture on my tv I have plugged it into the aerial socket but can't get any channels.

So I go round and go into his room, can't see an aerial socket so ask him "which aerial socket did you plug it into?" He then showed me the socket.......lol it turned out he was plugging his aerial into a dead cord outlet on the wall so basically a hole.

I said that's just a hole not an aerial socket to which he replied I'm an engineering student not an electrician?.....to which I replied its common sense mate but I suppose you don't have that either.....lol

Davie


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686 Posts
Brill reading these. I'm a heavy plant fitter at a steelworks in Sheffield. I've been called out in night more than once saying lights aren't working on machine so get myself dressed travel 30mins in middle of night to fine they have not turned them on in the cab. Hey ho though that's 4 hours at double time to press a switch lol.
 

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Seasoned Member
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4,424 Posts
You get them what ever business you are in.

Few gems I had recently..

me " so what kind of car do you have "
Lady " a red one " ...

me " so what caused the damage to your vehicle sir "
client " i hit a giant fox "
me in my own head " do foxes have giants???? "

and one you will love..
client " hello dan the man, need to cover my liner mate "
me " im sorry we dont insure large boats "
client ........... long pause.......... " oh i get it.. Its a skyline mate"

God help me ;)
 

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881 Posts
You get them what ever business you are in.

Few gems I had recently..

me " so what kind of car do you have "
Lady " a red one " ...

me " so what caused the damage to your vehicle sir "
client " i hit a giant fox "
me in my own head " do foxes have giants???? "

and one you will love..
client " hello dan the man, need to cover my liner mate "
me " im sorry we dont insure large boats "
client ........... long pause.......... " oh i get it.. Its a skyline mate"

God help me ;)
I've once asked the engine size of a vehicle when at a show and had someone show me roughly using their hands.
 

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2,406 Posts
Back in my IT Support days I had a few gems.

One woman repeatedly moaning about her broken monitor so eventually I chuck a new on in the back of the car and trek up to the Newcastle office to replace it. When I get there her monitor is not broken as described, but filthy. A quick wipe with a damp cloth and magically the display is crystal clear again.
 

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384 Posts
My mates wife, a lady in her 40's while talking about the stars, something along the lines of:

Mate: its a shame we won't see them tonight
Wife: why not?
Mate: because its too cloudy
Wife but it'll be nighttime.
Mate: meaning...
Wife: well the clouds go in at night don't they
Mate: errrrrrr......
 

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Member
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4,538 Posts
My mates wife, a lady in her 40's while talking about the stars, something along the lines of:

Mate: its a shame we won't see them tonight
Wife: why not?
Mate: because its too cloudy
Wife but it'll be nighttime.
Mate: meaning...
Wife: well the clouds go in at night don't they
Mate: errrrrrr......
Pahahahahaha that's class


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Thats nothing. My wife who is doing a degree might i add had an hr long arguement with me as she was convinced that raindeers are mythical creatures like unicorns!
Erm no dear. Only the kind santa uses are mythical.

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Thats nothing. My wife who is doing a degree might i add had an hr long arguement with me as she was convinced that raindeers are mythical creatures like unicorns!
Erm no dear. Only the kind santa uses are mythical.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
oh dear!! hahaha!!!
 

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Thats nothing. My wife who is doing a degree might i add had an hr long arguement with me as she was convinced that raindeers are mythical creatures like unicorns!
Erm no dear. Only the kind santa uses are mythical.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
Santa? Who is Santa.......lol


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Some oldies but goodies:
-----------------------------------------

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".

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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France)
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"

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[I'd take the 'true story' claim with a pinch of salt - I've seen this story claimed to be true many times over the years, and applied to many different companies...]

And there's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. This guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, s/he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now we know why they record these conversations):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
aller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark?"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you're too *%*%*%*% stupid to own a computer!"
 

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Born and bred in Singapore, nurtured in the UK
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728 Posts
Well let me try... I work in purchasing and have a colleague that is very sweet. One day she said to me 'Ron, I ordered a replacement monitor from IT and they are sending it down, do u mind fitting it for me?' to which I replied, no sweat.

5 mins later it arrives and I was about to take her old monitor plug out and she looked scared and worried and said" I was working on a mega spreadsheet for hours but if u pulled the blue monitor plug out my spreadsheet will be lost? I said not at all and she still was hesitant...and said let me save it first....rest is history.

She has a degree by the way.....
 
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