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****** FOR A YEAR
Joined
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1,073 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick 'name?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Do vampires get AIDS?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner instead of chasing Road-Runner?

How can you hear yourself think?

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

What's a question with no answer called?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Can you cry under water?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing
 

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confused.com
Joined
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6,592 Posts
answers: to stuff you thought you never wanted to know.

Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
because there used to be a "set" of valves in side"

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
fecking freezing

Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick 'name?
only if he "nicks" it

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
no, as we all float on magma, so only the crust is solid.

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
yes and sends another crew to the original call

Do vampires get AIDS?
nope, they don't need an immune system as they're immortals, therefore with out the memory cells to carry the virus they cannot contract the disease"

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
cos theyre too busy

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
the back of your throat

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
neither, there purple what universe are you from ???

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
because sometimes you dont get caught

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner instead of chasing Road-Runner?
the spar was shut

How can you hear yourself think?
it all in the mind

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
you can still see even when your eyes are shut anyway, try looking at the sun with your eyes shut ....that red is the inside of your eyelids.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
because it smells nice, especially in black

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Toast

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
it is if youre called bilbo and its your eleventy first birthday

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
to observe and report back to the scientists watching you

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
yes

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
havent you ever heard of backing up your work? yeah? well so has nature!

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
only if shes in time

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
nothing

What's a question with no answer called?
a conundrum

Why is a square meal served on round plates?
The plates used to be wooden and square on board ships of the line, to prevent them falling around during inclement weather, and you used to get three per day, conditions allowing, hence it was good to get the "three square meals" so the answer is "cos we're not on a ship

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
cos you don't remember being a baby.

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
nope, Mcflurry's

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
dont be letterist!

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
To qualify they must be dead.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
what sort of question is that? it really takes the biscuit!

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
cos lead poisioning isnt legal, even for swans

Can you cry under water?
no, you cry tears.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing
no its in a court, part of the legal system and therefore will be seen and a panto"mime".

hope that helps .....lol
 

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Mark
Joined
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579 Posts
Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
because there used to be a "set" of valves in side"

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
fecking freezing

Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick 'name?
only if he "nicks" it

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
no, as we all float on magma, so only the crust is solid.

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
yes and sends another crew to the original call

Do vampires get AIDS?
nope, they don't need an immune system as they're immortals, therefore with out the memory cells to carry the virus they cannot contract the disease"

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
cos theyre too busy

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
the back of your throat

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
neither, there purple what universe are you from ???

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
because sometimes you dont get caught

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner instead of chasing Road-Runner?
the spar was shut

How can you hear yourself think?
it all in the mind

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
you can still see even when your eyes are shut anyway, try looking at the sun with your eyes shut ....that red is the inside of your eyelids.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
because it smells nice, especially in black

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Toast

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
it is if youre called bilbo and its your eleventy first birthday

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
to observe and report back to the scientists watching you

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
yes

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
havent you ever heard of backing up your work? yeah? well so has nature!

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
only if shes in time

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
nothing

What's a question with no answer called?
a conundrum

Why is a square meal served on round plates?
The plates used to be wooden and square on board ships of the line, to prevent them falling around during inclement weather, and you used to get three per day, conditions allowing, hence it was good to get the "three square meals" so the answer is "cos we're not on a ship

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
cos you don't remember being a baby.

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
nope, Mcflurry's

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
dont be letterist!

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
To qualify they must be dead.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
what sort of question is that? it really takes the biscuit!

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
cos lead poisioning isnt legal, even for swans

Can you cry under water?
no, you cry tears.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing
no its in a court, part of the legal system and therefore will be seen and a panto"mime".

hope that helps .....lol
seriously! how bored were you to reply to all that?!? and how bored am i to sit here and read it, i'm going to wash the car! :werd:
 

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Jammy Git
Joined
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2,180 Posts
To establish whether you can cry under water you would first have to know at what pressure the tear duct/gland can emit tears at. You would also then need to know whether it was fresh water or seawater you were under and at what depth.

It is then a simple calculation to work out whether or not the tear pressure is greater or less than the hydrostatic water pressure you are currently experiencing.

If your tear pressure is greater than the hyrdrostatic pressure you will be able to cry underwater.

It is unknown as to whether the degree to which you are upset effects the tear pressure.

Unfortunately if you attempt to cry underwater and your tear pressure is less than hydrostatic you tear ducts & glands will fill up with water and you eyeballs will implode.

The moral of this story is do not go diving if you are likely to burst into tears, or in this case "squash" in to tears.

I hope this clears it up.
 

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confused.com
Joined
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6,592 Posts
how bored?

To establish whether you can cry under water you would first have to know at what pressure the tear duct/gland can emit tears at. You would also then need to know whether it was fresh water or seawater you were under and at what depth.

It is then a simple calculation to work out whether or not the tear pressure is greater or less than the hydrostatic water pressure you are currently experiencing.

If your tear pressure is greater than the hyrdrostatic pressure you will be able to cry underwater.

It is unknown as to whether the degree to which you are upset effects the tear pressure.

Unfortunately if you attempt to cry underwater and your tear pressure is less than hydrostatic you tear ducts & glands will fill up with water and you eyeballs will implode.

The moral of this story is do not go diving if you are likely to burst into tears, or in this case "squash" in to tears.

I hope this clears it up.

not quite as bored and gunner obviously! PMSL

quirky threads rule!
 

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Registered
Joined
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4,045 Posts
freeking brilliant

but i still say the answers is 42

"Six by nine. Forty two."

"That's it. That's all there is."

"I always thought something was fundamentally wrong with the universe"
 
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